Lavinia's story

 

My name is Lavinia, I’m 63 and I was diagnosed in December 2015 when I was 55.

    I had an Invasive Lobular Carcinoma discovered during a routine Mammogram. The self same breast was biopsied 18 months before hand and I was reassured that it was aging breast tissue. I had a radical left side mastectomy with expander. I’ve had a lot of problems with the expander and the implant. 

 

    I was told in no uncertain terms by my first consultant that I had a very sneaky type of tumour. This instilled a raw fear in me, along with the fact that it had been missed previously. I was afraid with every mammogram I had. It wasn’t until I learned a few years later that ILC usually recurs in other areas of the body and there were zero checks in place to monitor this. This fuelled a greater fear again. My GP advised me to get any ‘symptoms ’I had that lasted more than 6 weeks checked out. I felt left to my own devices and anxious.

 

    In the early years after my diagnosis I felt there was media coverage everywhere with people being diagnosed with cancer and dying. Even the soap story lines followed a cancer diagnosis. I felt bombarded and this increased my fears. I was very afraid of dying a horrible death.

 

    I don’t talk to family about my fears because I don’t want to worry them unnecessarily or to drag them down the wormhole with me. My support comes from BRiC nowadays. I had joined other FB groups but never really felt like I fitted or that I was understood. BRiC was very different and offered support and kindness, under pinned with knowledgeable facts. I could ask anything and felt safe in the group.

 

    I’ve lost too many lovely friends this wretched disease and am heartbroken with every loss. The raw fear has merged into a reality that I may meet the same fate. Also a determination to live my best life whilst I can. I’m not at peace with it but it doesn’t control my life either.