In this week's discussion we shared our feelings about
the loss of a friend or loved one from cancer.
We all described feelings of
intense sadness and how deeply we are affected by the loss of someone with
cancer. For some of us there is numbness, which can shield us from our most
painful emotions. Others described feelings of guilt, or worry for their own
family and friends and some of us shared that they had needed to withdraw from
groups and forums. We also acknowledged that our
immediate reaction is often a combination of sadness, mixed with deep fear for
ourselves. We realised that underlying our grief is the obvious - yet unspoken
- fact that we are reminded of our own vulnerability, something that we carry
with us, yet often suppress to keep going. This uncertainty, adds to our fear,
which can then make us extremely apprehensive about the future.
More than loss though, was the importance of our
friendships with one another, the way we enrich one another's lives through our
shared experiences and our understanding of one another's feelings and fears.
We all felt this was a positive we had taken from our experience of cancer. Our
discussion concluded that while there is loss, we gain so much more from our
friendships with one another and there is love, which outweighs the sadness,
and which we carry forward with us.
In relation to our psychological
resilience, the question we asked was what is the best course of action?
Naz told us about George Bonanno,
a profound Research Professor of Psychology, who has written a book called 'The
Other Side of Sadness'. In it, he outlines evidence from longitudinal studies
showing that people who allow themselves to grieve and express emotions
associated with the trauma have better psychological and physical health in the
longer run.
As our discussion highlighted,
there is no right or wrong way to experience fear, sadness, and grieving for
our loved ones, but if we allow ourselves to get closer to our emotions, our
'hurt', then this evidently has beneficial effects on a number of levels. This
is the opposite of denial, and of course needs much flexibility and strength to
know how to down regulate our emotions when we feel ready to move forward.
Grieving, and acknowledging our fears can only give us the strength to move
forward.
For interest, here are two blogs
on the bonds of friendship between those living with cancer and its effects.
One by our very own Tamsin, the other by Kira Goldenberg:
#ResilienceDiscussion
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