DX primary 2012 secondary 2019.
A letter to my 2014 self.
Dear Miranda
I'm so proud of the way you have navigated your treatment last year. Look at you now! Looking fabulous, back running, back at work! I see that you are really scared of the future; fearful to lift your head above the parapet, cautious of planning anything more than a few months ahead. That's ok you know.
You have had a horrible shocking diagnosis, debilitating invasive treatment and now all the appointments have stopped! It's scary and lonely. You don't understand why you're just having an annual mammogram and not being scanned to check for spread. What if it comes back?
Right now you have the chance to comfort yourself with statistics. 7/10 people don't get secondaries. I promise you that whilst fear will sit with you and shout loudly at times, the next ten years will hold joys you can't imagine; weddings, travel, grandchildren, friendships. Refuse to let fear steal those things. Fear doesn't change anything.
I'm sorry to say that whether you are full of fear or not, you will have a secondary diagnosis in 5 years time. The statistics will no longer be in your favour and the fear will darken and sometimes morph into terror.
I can also tell you that those sweet joys will still be there. Aren't humans incredible that we can be scared and joyful at the same time? Come on then, face your fears, name them, claim them as yours and go and live your one beautiful life with love and hope in your heart.
Love from your older self xxx
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