Re-claiming Our Bodies

 

I use words such as ‘hate’ ‘false’ ‘hideous’. I realise that those words are not helping. I would never use those words for anyone else, why do I think it’s acceptable for myself and my body?”

In our recent discussion, we talked about the struggle to accept our ourselves after the trauma of surgery,  plus ongoing adjuvant drugs and their less than pleasant side effects. We may be classed as fixed in medical terms, but can we ever truly accept our new bodies? To claim them back? To feel like we are worthy of our own love, let alone anyone else’s love?


For many of our ladies, it’s a work in progress. Some have had many surgeries and others have more to come. Learning to adapt and accept ourselves after surgery is a complex task. A couple feel they’ve achieved it, but many others feel lost and unsure how to move forward in a way that embraces their new shape and perspective of themselves.


Adjusting takes time. Looking in the mirror and having time to ourselves to get used to healing scars and changes, as our chest recovers from surgery, can help. Although, some of us really struggle with scars that are raised and prominent, so find it easier to cope by keeping covered up as much as possible.


We’ve heard about some beautiful scar tattoos, which work to hide the scar in the design. This body art can give a real confidence boost to those brave enough to have it done after all they’ve been through already.


Another confidence builder is being able to find clothes that fit and look nice. In the first few months post surgery, anything figure hugging really goes out the window, so reaching the stage where the swelling has settled and we have an idea what we have to work with can feel quite liberating after months of soreness and baggy clothes.


Beyond that, intimacy is another hurdle we often face. From the mutilation of our bodies to the sudden effects of chemically induced menopause, not only are we dealing with confidence issues, but also changes to our actual physical capability to engage in sex. This can be devastating to our relationships with our partners (who absolutely go through this with us).

While on the one hand, they are carrying out lifesaving work, on the other, I don’t think that our consultants and oncologists really understand the long term impact all of these issues have on us as.

As ever, moving forward isn’t actually linear, it takes exploration and perseverance to manage the outcome of surgery and also the changes that active treatment and adjuvant therapy throw at us.

So, to conclude, although we want to reclaim and love our bodies, there is no quick fix to learning how. Each of us is muddling through, in the hope we can be happy and confident again one day - only none of us know when that will be!