"A diagnosis of breast cancer changes our relationship to the future. We start to wonder about the wisdom of putting off our dreams for the future, that trip of a lifetime we said we'd make, that home in the country we had promised ourselves when we retire. We ponder the choices we have made - are we happy with them?"
In this week's discussion we asked ourselves the question: “A cancer diagnosis makes you “take stock” but is now the right time to make significant and difficult life changes?”
A cancer diagnosis is a life threatening and life changing event. When we hear the words "you have breast cancer" consciously or not, we wonder how long we will live. In the blink of an eye, we shift from living as though we are immortal to deeply realising our fragility.
We have never felt more vulnerable, but mentally we prepare ourselves for the challenges ahead and how we will live our lives. We are 'mindfully' reminded on a daily basis - especially those of us with secondary breast cancer - that now is all the time we have, we are not guaranteed tomorrow and so we know we must make the most of today. We begin planning, thinking ahead, attempting to ‘take stock’. We evaluate our life choices, we may experience a shift in our priorities - we are no longer willing to tolerate people who don't value us, or, perhaps work suddenly seems unimportant. ‘Live life to the full’ becomes our mantra - we say it to ourselves over and over, sometimes with gratitude, sometimes with happiness, sometimes with recrimination and sometimes with an ache in our hearts for the things we know we want to do but can't..........
A diagnosis of breast cancer changes our relationship to the future. We start to wonder about the wisdom of putting off our dreams for the future, that trip of a lifetime we said we'd make, that home in the country we had promised ourselves when we retire. We ponder the choices we have made - are we happy with them?
Our discussion highlighted that many of us are no longer willing to compromise on our aspirations, we put into action our plan to relocate and reduce our hours; in contrast others described a deep need for stability and continuity, we want to stay close to home and family.
Anticipatory pleasure - looking forward to a well-deserved holiday at the end of a challenging time - no longer sustains us when our deepest fear is that the future will be even more of a challenge than today. If we are not careful, we stop planning, we stop dreaming and our horizons shrink. For some, this generates a sense of well-being as we live with a deeper connection to the here-and-now. Others feel a sense of restlessness, a need to make changes to their lives.
In the background (if we can call it that) are the numerous consequences that impact our psychological and physical well-being brought about by our diagnosis and treatments. The side effects we continue to live with restrain us considerably: fatigue, pain, lymphodema, chemo-brain and chemo-brain; altered body image, sexual problems, damage to our self-esteem and confidence, social isolation and more. We live in a constant state of needing to re-adjust within the restrictions we face – secretly some of us might wonder how we can make the MOST of what has changed for us?
And then there are changes that we want to make to enable us to live a better and longer life like perhaps changing our diet or career. The question raised is whether now is the right time to make them? How far can we see in the future? Are these changes necessary for prevention of disease progression or recurrence? These questions make us wonder what our priorities are.
We plan for the uncertain future, and yes we do ‘take stock’ but this can come with anxieties and fears. We are about surviving Naz told us, with her neuroscience hat on. The brain is ultimately geared towards taking stock, especially at the time of trauma. Our emotional brain becomes highly vigilant for signs of threat, or potential threat, and signals to more cognitive and prefrontal regions and functions of our brain to ‘take stock’, to prepare, to plan, to protect. In life threatening situations, like being diagnosed with cancer, this can become the default mode of the brain and so it may feel exhausting for some of us more than others.
Psychologically, we realised, the challenge is to learn that today AND tomorrow are equally important. The present AND the future. We need to create a sense of continuity between our pasts, our present and our future. We carry ourselves forward and it’s the balance between leaving behind and taking forward, and living in the present – instead of compartmentalising our lives we need to strive for continuity and growth.
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