This week our discussion explored
how we balance 'positive' and negative emotions.
"Think positive” is a phrase we often hear when
we are diagnosed with breast cancer. Sometimes we say it to ourselves,
sometimes others say it to us as a way of encouraging us. But what does it
really mean to 'think positive'? How does it benefit us and are there drawbacks
of a 'positive' mental attitude?'
As a group, we shared that adopting a positive outlook
had helped us to manage the intense emotions that are in the driving seat when
we find out we have primary or secondary breast cancer. Our initial reactions
include shock and disbelief; we often have to deal with the practicalities of
treatment decisions and schedules, reinforcing our
natural tendency to adopt an avoidant style of coping. Many of us described
being naturally drawn to avoiding our negative feelings, wishing to appear
positive in our interactions with the world at large, and in some circumstances
we thought this was helpful. However, draw backs to this
attitude include becoming cut-off from our emotions, numb, or unable to share
our authentic feelings, leading us to feel isolated.
Some of us shared that we could express positive and
negative emotions, and felt this was liberating. Others described consciously
or unconsciously finding themselves being drawn to the 'silver linings' - the
positives that had come about as a result of our changed circumstances, such as
spending time with our children while being on sick leave.
Naz told us about research on cognitive flexibility,
its promising influence on mental well-being and encouraging effect on building
resilience. The elasticity and plasticity by which we embrace our diverse range
of emotional experiences helps us regulate our emotions appropriately and
appreciate our experiences, however complex they may seem.
This lyric from the song Elastic Heart, by Sia, helps
explain these ideas:
“Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart, But
your blade—it might be too sharp, I'm like a rubber band until you pull too
hard, Yeah, I may snap and I move fast, But you won't see me fall apart, cause
I've got an elastic heart”.
In terms of our feelings, this means feeling sad,
grieving when we need to and being fearful when it’s necessary. A flexible
style of thinking, like the rubber band, is elastic. Naz explained that brain
plasticity is not a simple thing to achieve, especially when we have gone
through highly traumatic experiences, ones that continue to haunt us. Breast
cancer brings with it uncertainty and the danger of recurrence, the progression
of disease, loom high. In these circumstances, our brains are geared towards
anxiety related thinking styles, appropriately even, hypervigilant for signs of
danger, feeding into anxiety and worry. However, this increases our
vulnerability.
Naz explained that research shows that our ability to
embrace negative thoughts and painful experiences paves our way to allow the
positives we experience to nurture us. This is especially relevant to those of
us living with breast cancer and its effects because we take our cancer forward
with us. Our moments of ‘being down’ can help us to understand ourselves and
embracing our inner fears helps us to practice gratitude, and grit. The balance
is hard to achieve, but it can be done with practice.
If you are a woman living in the UK with a diagnosis
of breast cancer and you would like to join our private group, please leave
your name in the comments.
#ResilienceDiscussion
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