Aware of cancer, but not defined by it! BRiC's Collective Voice

Our Sunday discussion focused on how can we be aware of our breast cancer and not be defined by it?

Naz explained that a breast cancer diagnosis leaves us feeling extremely vulnerable, because these vulnerabilities are outside of our choice. We want to hide or shy away from these vulnerabilities, even though we know that cancer is a reality of ours that will not go away, we have to carry it forward by creating a balance between being aware of our cancer and not let it define us.

We have thoughts and emotions at times these can leave us frustrated, angry and anxious, they become part of us, so we learn to cope by not giving into them or to the matter of fact let our thoughts dominate and dictate our vision. Learning to acknowledge, understand, reason and deal with them helps our coping mechanisms, but that doesn’t mean they define us.

Cancer is not a choice that we decided to take on board, it has limited us and has caused psychological distress and the uncertainty has made us face our own mortality, the numerous side effects which we live with daily, have left us with a life threatening fear, so we keep marching on and try to keep working harder for ourselves, as we are often seen as being different by others.

We see cancer as something ‘bad’ which has happened to us, we feel overwhelmed with such life events and the changes experienced. Some of us see this as only one life event, we are the sum of everything else, we have to experience pain to know joy, it is part of our story and if it defines us then this depends on our choices and how we give them importance around the definition of who I/we are. It may be a label that describes us but acknowledging it gives us the power to control who I/we are.

Some of our members disliked being seen or portrayed as a ‘patient’, family/friends and colleagues mean well but often forget what we have been through, for some of us it is ok but sometimes we yearn for someone to hold our hand, a shoulder to cry on or just sit and listen to us without judgement, as we are still living with and beyond our breast cancer journey.

Many of us feel that the Covid-19 pandemic has added to our anxiety and fears for our future health and well-being. Going back to work in certain sectors is going to be an enormous challenge, we will find our inner strength, resilience and the willpower to live the best life regardless of what we are coming up against.

Some of our members found this a difficult subject as it is impossible not to have changed by a breast cancer diagnosis.

The A-Z of hospital appointments, treatments, surgeries, hair loss, weight gain and other body image visibilities when we look in the mirror, have left permanent reminders, which have had an adverse effect to a traumatic life experienced prior to our diagnosis.

Other members found this discussion topic interesting, as acceptance of a primary diagnosis was not given the attention it deserved, brushing it under the carpet and carrying on with life, after a secondary diagnosis came the realisation that we are not the invincible person we thought we were pretending to be. It makes you face your thoughts and fears, by not pushing them away, we learn to acknowledge and accept the diagnosis with compassion and kindness towards ourselves, rather than blaming ourselves. This in turn gives us the power to refuse to let it define us and the courage to stare it in the face every day, fear may take over but we do have a choice both physically and emotionally, we try to live in the moment as tomorrow is not promised.

Finding help and support is key to helping many of us, members found support groups like BRiC, yoga, meditation, exercise, mindfulness, in addition to the beauty of the outdoors and nature, breast cancer charities and many other forms of support from family, friends and colleagues.